Day 1-6 of The Master Cleanse

Okay... I figured this may be useful to anybody who was thinking about doing some form of detox, fast or diet.

First off, READ the book! It will take you about 20 minutes.
The Master Cleanse <---click for the 30 page book!

If you don't read the book, and understand what you're doing and WHY... man... you'll be in trouble from day uno.

So let's start there...


Day One:
I drank a mug of Smooth Move tea the night before. First thing that morning, I prepared the salt-water wash... I'm not gonna lie. This was one of the most difficult things I have ever done.
Imagine drinking a quart of chicken broth.... Minus the chicken, herbs, spices and seasonings. And at room temperature.

dis gus ting

But I drank it in less than five minutes.

Soon after, I was hit with a mild wave of nausea, which kinda scared me, because in all disgusting honesty, I'd rather crap my pants than vomit.

Fortunately, it passed... and it took about 30 minutes for my stomach to realize what I had put in it. Which it quickly wanted OUT of my body.

So I hit the toilet, and stayed in that general area for the next hour. Back and forth, back and forth.

But after that.... EZ Street.

The lemonade actually tastes really good. You'd never think that cayanne pepper has it's place in it, but it makes it good, and settles your stomach.


Day Two:
I want to eat.... Anything, I don't care. Dead, alive, raw, horse, cow, frog, pizza, chili... dang.


Day Three:
A word to the wise.... If you can get through the initial hunger pangs, it's all good. I only "want" food now, but I'm not hungry, or weak, or tired, or dizzy or any of the things I feared.

I made it through a full work day today, nos weat at all, and I'm heading now from work (Sunday) to go and pick up a couple of dozen lemons, and I think by tomorrow I should be in the swing of things.

We shall see...


Day Four:
Okay.... it's Tuesday, and at this point, I can't believe that I haven't eaten ANYTHING since Friday. I'm not hungry, I'm just greedy.

My thoughts at this time revolve around BBQ.... sticky, sweet, tangy BBQ.

That and Round Table Pizza. And Zachary's Pizza. And chicken tikka masala with a warm, chewy naan. Oh, and calzone.

Alright, food is on my mind, but I'm not hungry, I'm not weak or dizzy or low on energy. I've been sleeping between 6-8 hours a night for the last 4 nights, which is about double my normal, so good habits abound!

On an unrelated note... my tongue is white. (As far as I can tell) my breath is pleasant, but my tongue is covered by a white film, which is to be expected, as a sign of the body releasing toxins.

No food since Friday, and no looking back.

4 days down

10 days to go.


Day Five:
Today was a test.

It's really easy to do something difficult and challenging while in a controlled situation. Much like in a relationship, you don't judge somebody by how they treat you while things are going well.

The true test of Man (and WOman) is on how we behave when things get a bit out of control. If your husband or wife, while upset, angry, mad, offended, enraged, or otherwise peeved, if he or she still communicates with you respectfully, refraining from ignorance, hatred or anger... That's your real test.

Anybody can act right on Christmas.

Today was crazy. And without going into too much detail, today I was confronted and "cornered" (can you really corner somebody my size? nah, it was emotionally trying to back me into a corner...) by somebody whom I had been avoiding since January.

Avoiding is the wrong word, and the wrong description.

Friend, long time, many many years, over ten years.

She was cut off in January.

She has had a death in her family, and she has turned to me.

Of course, I am a bad person for saying, "inna lillahi wa inna ilaihi rajiun (To God we belong, and to Him is our return), and I'm sorry for your loss, and you and your family are in my prayers..."

But that's it. Bad news isn't an occassion to hop on the Let's Kick It Express.

That's the short version, of course.... this is supposed to be about my experience with the Cleanse.

Mentally, emotionally, that alone was enough to shake me from my foundation a bit.... I mean, righteous indignation is hard work!

But when, between job #2 and job #3, my car decided to be a retard and stop working... If I had had a salisbury steak, some mashed potatos, heck, if there had been some stale goldfish crackers I would have torn into them... strictly out of anger.

But there weren't, so I didn't.

And in the end, I'm really glad I didn't, cuz I'm now looking at Day Six, which is almost Day Seven, which is HALFWAY!

And if I can make it on a day like today.... Tomorrow night at midnight, watching the new X-Men movie, snacking on *sigh* water and sneaked in lemon/maple/cayenne drink... That should be no problem, right?


Day Six:
Today was good. On the advice of Shelli Belli, I decided to make a lime juice instead of lemons. Wow. It's like discovering a 3rd Reese's Peanut Butter Cup in the package of 2, this is revolutionary, I have a whole new meal, a new liquid sanctuary!

I don't know what's more exciting.... The fact that I am almost HALFWAY through my 2 week fast, or the fact that I am 90 minutes from premiering the new X-Men movie.

No offense to the X-Men... but this is major. I haven't eaten since Friday, I feel pretty great, AND I've moved one notch lower on my belt already...

I've been talking to a lot of people about this, and I get similar reactions from most. So I feel like saying this...
This is not the hardest thing I have ever done.

It's not.

I mean, I am a 29 year old virgin with a sometime active social/dating life.
At this point, even that ain't too difficult for me to manage.

But I got a bag of white chocolate macadamia cookies from Subway in my hand.
These cookies used to be my crack

Yeah, I opened the bag.
I looked at 'em.
I inhaled their sweet, sweet aroma.
But I don't even want them.

Gimme my cayelimaple drink.