I stopped mid-burrito. Stunned.
You mean I am not the only person who puts together development plans for people? You mean there is somebody else who sizes people up and says, "This is what you need to get where you need to be"?
I asked her at least five times, "what are you talking about?" just to be sure that I was witnessing what I thought I was.
I'm not the only one.
I've been doing it for years, most often with Black Women, but every once in awhile putting together a personal development plan for a Black Man when I can.
Most times, you can't tell people. Nin is the first person I have ever heard say, "I am just pleased that you care enough about me to help me grow."
Most people ain't like that.
So you have to be covert. You have to disguise lessons as experience. Asking questions instead giving answers. Allowing people to come to the conclusions that you already know they should.
For me.... as a man, dealing with women in this way, it often makes me The Bad Guy.
People ask, "Man, what did you do to her?" when they learn of the *interesting* reactions many women in my life, what am I supposed to say?
"I fixed her. And she liked it."
Far too arrogant sounding, regardless of how accurate it may or may not be.
So I don't even tell people 90% of the crazy stuff that happens. For it always seems to make ME look bad.
In the last year, I actually kinda retired, deciding to focus on myself rather than developing self-esteem, pride, consciousness, God-Consciousness, discipline into grown folks.
But sometimes.... it is better to help someone and be The Bad Guy than it would be to leave her alone.
And I am in that situation now.
I met somebody a couple o' weeks ago. Gorgeous Sista, couple of degrees, good job, intelligent, funny, etc...
In my mind, I was half thinking she was too good to be true, and half thinking that maybe, possibly I had finally met HER.
The other night, our first conversation set me straight.
We talked for hours, about everything: politics, white folk, Black Folk, music, TV, mind control, racism, sushi, blue colors......
And if the conversation had ended at 11pm instead of 11:30, maybe things would be different right now.
But she said too much.
I asked her, innocently, what makes her such the incredible catch she bragged on being. Her reply:
"Because I'm really good in bed."
I waited for laughter that was not going to come.
But, I'm also an intellectual gangsta, so I recover in nanoseconds.
"How exactly do you know this, young lady?" I asked, with an intentional flirtatious hint in my tone.
"Everybody who has slept with me has said so."
"'Everybody?' Don't you mean 'the people' or preferably 'the one person or two people who have been special enough to find out'?"
"No... I mean everybody. Without exception, each and every one."
Nobody knows I'm a virgin. I guess I don't look like one. Or talk like one. It's amazing how often this plays into my favor.
My ex is still mad at me. She says I should tell people upfront. I feel like women should tell me they are promiscuous upfront.
Not my best pick up line.
(Not that I have ever used one anyways.)
I prefer to create a space where people are comfortable to tell me who they really are.
Sometimes, it leads to numerous people in Philadelphia telling me that Them Franchise Boys are in town if I'm interested.
Other times, it allows a woman to open up and tell me that in college she considered abstinence, but came to the conclusion that, "If they didn't sleep with me, they were going to sleep with somebody else."
Anyways... any romantic possibilities are now gone. She doesn't know.
If I told her, she'd be OFFended and DEFensive.
And I want her to get something from me. Cuz that's how I am.
So this is how it will go. We'll go out, eat good food, have good conversations and shared experiences. I'll ask some questions, drop some hints, make some points.
I will be exactly who she thinks I am.
At some point, on some night, she will make the discovery.
"A virgin?"
"You?"
"But.... you look so... normal!"
"And you act so confident!"
And she'll feel kinda rejected at first, and then curious.
And after a couple of weeks, a few more conversations, my work will be done.
And I will be gone.
If a man can convince a woman to stand on the corner and sell her body for him... why can't a man do the opposite?
If it's all about the Gift of Gab, to convince a woman that she is worthless, to "break her down" as the pimps say...
Why should it be any different to build her up? To convice her that she is priceless? It's not.
I've been doing it for years. I am a manipulator, this is what I do.
Of course, there are consequences. I accept them.
She'll be mad at me for not wanting to be with her, especially after she comes to a major lifestyle change. She won't realize that she is not changing for me, she's changing for herself. Not at first.
I'll be The Bad Guy.
For a little while at least.
I'm not wrong, I'm not mean. I'm not using her. I would much rather just disappear now and concentrate on what I want to concentrate on.
But... Change.
What helps people change and grow and mature?
Who helps people change and grow and mature?
I ain't preaching to nobody about right and wrong. I only offer advice to people close to me....
For the world, I'm content to just be an Example.
Tangible, Realistic, and Attainable.
For men.... sometimes you have to be somebody that they want to be.
But for women.... sometimes you have to be someone they want.
2010 Edit
It took me a lot of time and flashing back and flux capacitating to even remember who the "subject" of this was. UNBELIEVABLE when I think about how things worked out. Man plans. Allah Plans.
Allah is the Best of Planners.
Ask about it.
You mean I am not the only person who puts together development plans for people? You mean there is somebody else who sizes people up and says, "This is what you need to get where you need to be"?
I asked her at least five times, "what are you talking about?" just to be sure that I was witnessing what I thought I was.
I'm not the only one.
I've been doing it for years, most often with Black Women, but every once in awhile putting together a personal development plan for a Black Man when I can.
Most times, you can't tell people. Nin is the first person I have ever heard say, "I am just pleased that you care enough about me to help me grow."
Most people ain't like that.
So you have to be covert. You have to disguise lessons as experience. Asking questions instead giving answers. Allowing people to come to the conclusions that you already know they should.
For me.... as a man, dealing with women in this way, it often makes me The Bad Guy.
People ask, "Man, what did you do to her?" when they learn of the *interesting* reactions many women in my life, what am I supposed to say?
"I fixed her. And she liked it."
Far too arrogant sounding, regardless of how accurate it may or may not be.
So I don't even tell people 90% of the crazy stuff that happens. For it always seems to make ME look bad.
In the last year, I actually kinda retired, deciding to focus on myself rather than developing self-esteem, pride, consciousness, God-Consciousness, discipline into grown folks.
But sometimes.... it is better to help someone and be The Bad Guy than it would be to leave her alone.
And I am in that situation now.
I met somebody a couple o' weeks ago. Gorgeous Sista, couple of degrees, good job, intelligent, funny, etc...
In my mind, I was half thinking she was too good to be true, and half thinking that maybe, possibly I had finally met HER.
The other night, our first conversation set me straight.
We talked for hours, about everything: politics, white folk, Black Folk, music, TV, mind control, racism, sushi, blue colors......
And if the conversation had ended at 11pm instead of 11:30, maybe things would be different right now.
But she said too much.
I asked her, innocently, what makes her such the incredible catch she bragged on being. Her reply:
"Because I'm really good in bed."
I waited for laughter that was not going to come.
But, I'm also an intellectual gangsta, so I recover in nanoseconds.
"How exactly do you know this, young lady?" I asked, with an intentional flirtatious hint in my tone.
"Everybody who has slept with me has said so."
"'Everybody?' Don't you mean 'the people' or preferably 'the one person or two people who have been special enough to find out'?"
"No... I mean everybody. Without exception, each and every one."
Nobody knows I'm a virgin. I guess I don't look like one. Or talk like one. It's amazing how often this plays into my favor.
My ex is still mad at me. She says I should tell people upfront. I feel like women should tell me they are promiscuous upfront.
"Hi, I'm Jabir. I'm a Pisces, I like the funk band Cameo, reading, playing Scrabble, and you will never have sex with me."
Not my best pick up line.
(Not that I have ever used one anyways.)
I prefer to create a space where people are comfortable to tell me who they really are.
Sometimes, it leads to numerous people in Philadelphia telling me that Them Franchise Boys are in town if I'm interested.
Other times, it allows a woman to open up and tell me that in college she considered abstinence, but came to the conclusion that, "If they didn't sleep with me, they were going to sleep with somebody else."
Anyways... any romantic possibilities are now gone. She doesn't know.
If I told her, she'd be OFFended and DEFensive.
And I want her to get something from me. Cuz that's how I am.
So this is how it will go. We'll go out, eat good food, have good conversations and shared experiences. I'll ask some questions, drop some hints, make some points.
I will be exactly who she thinks I am.
At some point, on some night, she will make the discovery.
"A virgin?"
"You?"
"But.... you look so... normal!"
"And you act so confident!"
And she'll feel kinda rejected at first, and then curious.
And after a couple of weeks, a few more conversations, my work will be done.
And I will be gone.
If a man can convince a woman to stand on the corner and sell her body for him... why can't a man do the opposite?
If it's all about the Gift of Gab, to convince a woman that she is worthless, to "break her down" as the pimps say...
Why should it be any different to build her up? To convice her that she is priceless? It's not.
I've been doing it for years. I am a manipulator, this is what I do.
Of course, there are consequences. I accept them.
She'll be mad at me for not wanting to be with her, especially after she comes to a major lifestyle change. She won't realize that she is not changing for me, she's changing for herself. Not at first.
I'll be The Bad Guy.
For a little while at least.
I'm not wrong, I'm not mean. I'm not using her. I would much rather just disappear now and concentrate on what I want to concentrate on.
But... Change.
What helps people change and grow and mature?
Who helps people change and grow and mature?
I ain't preaching to nobody about right and wrong. I only offer advice to people close to me....
For the world, I'm content to just be an Example.
Tangible, Realistic, and Attainable.
For men.... sometimes you have to be somebody that they want to be.
But for women.... sometimes you have to be someone they want.
2010 Edit
It took me a lot of time and flashing back and flux capacitating to even remember who the "subject" of this was. UNBELIEVABLE when I think about how things worked out. Man plans. Allah Plans.
Allah is the Best of Planners.
Ask about it.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Say something.